Do you ever feel like the opposites that attracted you to your spouse are now the things that attack your daily life and make marriage more frustrating than fruitful? Are pandemic related restrictions magnifying the stress even more?
Pastor Trent Jenkins sits with Connor McFadden, MFT to discuss moving from frustration and conflict in marriage into thriving.
INSIGHTS FROM CONNOR
Pandemic times have pulled us away from our usually supportive bubbles
Our supportive bubbles have gotten smaller and hotter, and the people closest to us tend to take the brunt of our frustrations and stress.
The outlets that once brought us health and fullness have been eliminated.
Have a “we” conversation instead of a “me” conversation
It’s freeing to acknowledge what everyone is feeling, it’s that we feel a little off. Lead a conversation in a non-attacking way by acknowledging your own faults, then ask for your spouse’s thoughts toward the situation.
Connection is vital
Communication around conflict is better solved after a couple has spent time connecting with one another. If you know the conflict isn’t going anywhere, sometimes it’s better to set it aside for the moment and just have some fun together.
There’s a 2:1 value on connection time. When you’re connecting together, you get twice the amount of value as if you’re just talking about a conflict. Double down on connection.
Create moments of fun
Here are some simple ideas you could set up at home after the kids have gone to bed:
- Laugh together with a show or a tickle fight
- Set up a movie night at home
- Dancing in the kitchen
- Set up a special dessert for just the two of you
All it takes is one catalyst to change a situation. If both people are committed to being a catalyst, then there won’t be these long periods of time with negativity or feeling stuck.
Before we talk about this, can we just pray?
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
– 1 Peter 4:8
If our focus is on love, then we’ll have enough capacity, enough investment there to cover over some of those times that don’t go so great.